December 2010
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Happy New Year Everyone
I’m going to be out of town for a few days, so I just wanted to wish all of my readers/followers/stalkers a happy and safe new year.
See you in 2011…
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Christmas morning text messages with Dad
Dad: Are you still coming down to get your gift? Gotta get it outta here because it's large, it's in charge, and it scares the holy hell outta me.
Me: Yeah, I'm coming down around 1. That's a hell of a hype job, btw.
Dad: I can fucking guarantee that you won't get two of the same this year.
Me: It better not be a goddamn fleshlight or something I put my dick in.
Dad: No, I know you've already got one of those.
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The girls got jokes
NOTE: My sisters goto Transylvania University, which is located in Lexington, Kentucky.
Me: What should I get my sisters for Christmas? Is a gift certificate for Bed, Bath & Beyond a good idea?
Nikki: It's a good idea if you want to be lame. Get them a gas card.
Me: Gas card? I don't know. Well, I mean they do have to drive back and forth from Transylvania a lot.
Nikki: See. And they're going to need gas if they're going to go see Dracula.
(Awkward silence)
Me: .....really?
Nikki: What?
Me: Did you?
Nikki: What?
Me: Did you really?
Nikki: I did.
Me: Is there a cookie around?
Nikki: No...
Me: Well find one. You deserve a cookie after that one.
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Rarely am I left speechless. This left me...
*Knock knock*
Great Aunt: Come on in, hun. We always leave the door unlocked. How are ya?
Me: I'm good. Here, my mom wanted me to give you guys these while I was out. *hands Great Aunt cookies*
Great Aunt: Ooooh that's so nice of her.
Me: You know, you really shouldn't leave that front door unlocked. You never know what's out there...creepers...pedophiles...rapists...
Great Aunt: Oh gosh. Well its been so long at this point I'd welcome it...
Me: :-/
Great Aunt: ...heck, I might even make it easier for him and unlock my windows while I'm at it.
Me: (Speechless)
Rarely am I left speechless. This left me...
*Knock knock*
Great Aunt: Come on in, hun. We always leave the door unlocked. How are ya?
Me: I'm good. Here, my mom wanted me to give you guys these while I was out. *hands Great Aunt cookies*
Great Aunt: Ooooh that's so nice of her.
Me: You know, you really shouldn't leave that front door unlocked. You never know what's out there...creepers...pedophiles...rapists...
Great Aunt: Oh gosh. Well its been so long at this point I'd welcome it...
Me: :-/
Great Aunt: ...heck, I might even make it easier for him and unlock my windows while I'm at it.
Me: (Speechless)
